Dear 16 year old Jennifer

March 21, 2013

Dear J,

You have already experienced more life than most of your classmates, yet you long to have the life of a typical 16 year old. You want to have freedom like most of your classmate’s do, you long to drive your own car, go on a date and you can’t wait to leave your parents household.  SLOW DOWN! 

You tell your biggest secrets to your dog, Spunky.  Spunky was your first love.  Even at 32 you miss Spunky and Mikey every day.  Your dogs with your husband Rufus, Joey and Callie make you laugh, smile and are good secret keepers too. 

You already are starting to wonder what your purpose in life is.  What you will do in the future, will you ever get married?  Will you ever have kids?

You always hear that life begins as soon as you turn 21.  Truthfully no it doesn’t.  Sure you will experiment with drinking and go to your work’s happy hour on Thursdays..the feelings of waking up with a hang over the next day and the money that went down the drain at the bar, this phase will soon fade.

At 19 you believe that you met the person that you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with.  During this relationship, you do things that you never thought you would do.  He breaks your heart when you are 23, and I promise you that life is much better in your 30s. 

This relationship with this guy helped you develop yourself as a person.  You realized that love doesn’t have to hurt and the right guy will never do things to you to hurt your self-esteem and most importantly he will respect you and your values.

When you are 20, you meet one of the most important women in your life, and she has more influence on you than she will ever know.  She gives you the encouragement to go back to school, and tells you that you need to do better in life than being an assistant.  Without her in your life, I don’t know where you would end up.

Your life between 23 and 26 is blurry, but I’m sure that there were big fights with your dad.

Life hits you hard when you turn 27.  You start to develop signs of having RA.  For the longest time, the diagnoses of RA defined who you are.  You would allow it to win.  You made excuses for not doing things, you say “I can’t do that today, my joints hurt”, or you believe that the best solution in your life would be to apply for social security disability and let your dreams die.  Thankfully you get out of that phase. 

At 28 you finally fulfill one of your goals for yourself by obtaining a BA degree in sociology and history.  On the outside you say it’s no big deal but in your head it really was a big deal to you.  You just did not allow others to know.

On January 31, 2008 you marry your best friend.  A person that has been with you by your side during all of your past relationships, a person who is your best friend.  Daniel makes you laugh, makes you smile, he is always there to support you even when you are at your worse.  When you doubt yourself, he puts you back in your place.  He saved you when you lost hope.

Here is some advice for you 16 year old J.  Know that 9 times out of 10 that when your dad gives you advice or yells at you for doing something stupid, he is right.  As you get older you will realize how awesome he is, and how much he did for you while growing up.  You will realize that he made mistakes, but because of him you are the person that you are.

Pay attention to money.  Credit cards are a serious business..don’t get involved with them until you have a full-time job and can pay the bills on time.

Don’t rush in finding love.  The love of your life will appear, and your relationship will be better than you can believe.

Don’t lose sight of who you are.  While even now at 32 I doubt myself, I wonder if I am smart enough to be doing the job I’m doing, or even if I’m smart enough to have a master’s.. realize that you are these things at me.  You are a wife, a daughter and a sister.  You are friend to many.  There is a reason why the people in your life love you.  They see you who you are, even when you don’t.

Do well in school.  I know that at 16 you never do homework.  START DOING YOUR HOMEWORK!  You’ll figure how that you do enjoy learning and you are smarter than you give credit to yourself for.

Many of the friends that you have now (Delora, Andrea) you will still have, however you’ll meet some really awesome people later on (Fadi and Lori) and they will show you what true friendship is, even when you are 3000 miles from them.

On your wedding day, your father will dance the father daughter dance.  Don’t let them stop even though it will be hard for him.  Savor that moment.  Just you and your dad.  Never forget the feeling that you had on your wedding day.. now all you remember is your prince standing up on the alter with your dad walking you down the aisle.  Live in that moment.

Your mom.. you are not going to have that mother-daughter relationship that you always hoped you would have.  Instead you’ll find examples of mothers from others.  The threats of your mother telling you that she is going to kill herself.. they are just threats.  Know that you are not defined by your mother. 

You will meet a lady named Susie when you start working at Catholic Family and Child Service.  Listen to her, love her.  She will make one of the greatest impacts in your life.  She will give you confidence when you don’t have any, and she will make you into a better person.

Spend time with Mr. Cole.  He will only be around until January of 1999.  Tell him how much you love him and how you always looked at him as a grandfather figured.

I know that you spend many nights talking to God and praying that you will get a husband that loves you as much as Spunky does.  Spunky served his purpose and he loved you until Daniel came into your life.

Learn how to speak Spanish.  Your future mother-in-law will love you for it.  (By the way, your mother-in-law is wonderful).

Spend as much as time with your family as you can.  One day in the near future you’ll be living 3000 miles away from them, and you’ll miss eating dinner together every night.   You still love your baby brother; however you realize that you need to live your life for yourself.  He still completely amazes you even when he is being a jerk.  J

The career that you are planning (to be a teacher) does not happen for you.  Just know that you’ll end up in a career field perfect for you.

Lastly, you made a decision when you were 20.  The decision that you made was forced and you did not have a choice.  Don’t live in regret, if you stayed with him, you probably wouldn’t be the same person that you are now. 

Even now at 32 you still question your purpose, you have self-doubts, and you lack confidence in yourself.  

The best advice I can offer is to start to love yourself, make the mistakes that you did, love your family and know that life is better now than it was at 16.

Love,

Yourself at 32.