Friday, June 7, 2013

June 7, 2013

To my future child:

I thought for the past couple of weeks that you were on the way to join our family.  I was wrong.  I know that it will happen, and when the day comes we will celebrate and be grateful for you.  I need to remember that while I want everything to come now, our lives are not on our time, but on God’s time.

I don't know what God’s time is, or why he isn't blessing us yet, but I do know that when I start to ask why, the answers always become clear.  We tried for a year a few years ago, and because my prayers were not answered I was able to go back to school to get my Masters.  I believe that if I were to have you, I would not be in school right now.  By God allowing me to be in school will provide opportunities to you that you might not have otherwise. 

The pastor who married us told me that we would know when we were ready for kids when the circle of love that we felt for each other was so full that we knew we needed to add on.  I’m grateful for the time that I have gotten with your daddy.  We have a relationship based on a friendship, we share lots of laughs, we are more in love today than we were when we got married.  I can not imagine myself without his silliness in my life.  The example of our marriage will be teach you what love is, and either teach you how to treat your future wife or how you expect your husband to treat you.

God’s timing has also allowed me to work on myself.  If I was blessed by you a few years ago, I probably wouldn't have been the same type of mother that you would get now.  I lived my life in fear, always questioning the what ifs.  I was haunted by events and people from my past.  For the last year I have grew as a person and I’m starting to be proud of who I am.  I hope you close to me, and we share a special relationship that I was never able to have with my mom.

I love you already,


Your momma

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Dear 16 year old Jennifer



March 21, 2013

Dear J,

You have already experienced more life than most of your classmates, yet you long to have the life of a typical 16 year old. You want to have freedom like most of your classmate’s do, you long to drive your own car, go on a date and you can’t wait to leave your parents household.  SLOW DOWN! 

You tell your biggest secrets to your dog, Spunky.  Spunky was your first love.  Even at 32 you miss Spunky and Mikey every day.  Your dogs with your husband Rufus, Joey and Callie make you laugh, smile and are good secret keepers too. 

You already are starting to wonder what your purpose in life is.  What you will do in the future, will you ever get married?  Will you ever have kids?

You always hear that life begins as soon as you turn 21.  Truthfully no it doesn’t.  Sure you will experiment with drinking and go to your work’s happy hour on Thursdays..the feelings of waking up with a hang over the next day and the money that went down the drain at the bar, this phase will soon fade.

At 19 you believe that you met the person that you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with.  During this relationship, you do things that you never thought you would do.  He breaks your heart when you are 23, and I promise you that life is much better in your 30s. 

This relationship with this guy helped you develop yourself as a person.  You realized that love doesn’t have to hurt and the right guy will never do things to you to hurt your self-esteem and most importantly he will respect you and your values.

When you are 20, you meet one of the most important women in your life, and she has more influence on you than she will ever know.  She gives you the encouragement to go back to school, and tells you that you need to do better in life than being an assistant.  Without her in your life, I don’t know where you would end up.

Your life between 23 and 26 is blurry, but I’m sure that there were big fights with your dad.

Life hits you hard when you turn 27.  You start to develop signs of having RA.  For the longest time, the diagnoses of RA defined who you are.  You would allow it to win.  You made excuses for not doing things, you say “I can’t do that today, my joints hurt”, or you believe that the best solution in your life would be to apply for social security disability and let your dreams die.  Thankfully you get out of that phase. 

At 28 you finally fulfill one of your goals for yourself by obtaining a BA degree in sociology and history.  On the outside you say it’s no big deal but in your head it really was a big deal to you.  You just did not allow others to know.

On January 31, 2008 you marry your best friend.  A person that has been with you by your side during all of your past relationships, a person who is your best friend.  Daniel makes you laugh, makes you smile, he is always there to support you even when you are at your worse.  When you doubt yourself, he puts you back in your place.  He saved you when you lost hope.

Here is some advice for you 16 year old J.  Know that 9 times out of 10 that when your dad gives you advice or yells at you for doing something stupid, he is right.  As you get older you will realize how awesome he is, and how much he did for you while growing up.  You will realize that he made mistakes, but because of him you are the person that you are.

Pay attention to money.  Credit cards are a serious business..don’t get involved with them until you have a full-time job and can pay the bills on time.

Don’t rush in finding love.  The love of your life will appear, and your relationship will be better than you can believe.

Don’t lose sight of who you are.  While even now at 32 I doubt myself, I wonder if I am smart enough to be doing the job I’m doing, or even if I’m smart enough to have a master’s.. realize that you are these things at me.  You are a wife, a daughter and a sister.  You are friend to many.  There is a reason why the people in your life love you.  They see you who you are, even when you don’t.

Do well in school.  I know that at 16 you never do homework.  START DOING YOUR HOMEWORK!  You’ll figure how that you do enjoy learning and you are smarter than you give credit to yourself for.

Many of the friends that you have now (Delora, Andrea) you will still have, however you’ll meet some really awesome people later on (Fadi and Lori) and they will show you what true friendship is, even when you are 3000 miles from them.

On your wedding day, your father will dance the father daughter dance.  Don’t let them stop even though it will be hard for him.  Savor that moment.  Just you and your dad.  Never forget the feeling that you had on your wedding day.. now all you remember is your prince standing up on the alter with your dad walking you down the aisle.  Live in that moment.

Your mom.. you are not going to have that mother-daughter relationship that you always hoped you would have.  Instead you’ll find examples of mothers from others.  The threats of your mother telling you that she is going to kill herself.. they are just threats.  Know that you are not defined by your mother. 

You will meet a lady named Susie when you start working at Catholic Family and Child Service.  Listen to her, love her.  She will make one of the greatest impacts in your life.  She will give you confidence when you don’t have any, and she will make you into a better person.

Spend time with Mr. Cole.  He will only be around until January of 1999.  Tell him how much you love him and how you always looked at him as a grandfather figured.

I know that you spend many nights talking to God and praying that you will get a husband that loves you as much as Spunky does.  Spunky served his purpose and he loved you until Daniel came into your life.

Learn how to speak Spanish.  Your future mother-in-law will love you for it.  (By the way, your mother-in-law is wonderful).

Spend as much as time with your family as you can.  One day in the near future you’ll be living 3000 miles away from them, and you’ll miss eating dinner together every night.   You still love your baby brother; however you realize that you need to live your life for yourself.  He still completely amazes you even when he is being a jerk.  J

The career that you are planning (to be a teacher) does not happen for you.  Just know that you’ll end up in a career field perfect for you.

Lastly, you made a decision when you were 20.  The decision that you made was forced and you did not have a choice.  Don’t live in regret, if you stayed with him, you probably wouldn’t be the same person that you are now. 

Even now at 32 you still question your purpose, you have self-doubts, and you lack confidence in yourself.  

The best advice I can offer is to start to love yourself, make the mistakes that you did, love your family and know that life is better now than it was at 16.

Love,
Yourself at 32.

Monday, October 1, 2012

October 1, 2012


October 1, 2012

To my future child,

I am 32 years old, and I have made many mistakes in my life.  There will be some that I will share with you one day, and others I’ll keep close to my heart.  I want you to know that when I married your father, he was one of my greatest accomplishments.  He supports me when no one else does; he doesn’t allow me to say “I can’t do that”, and most of all he loves me for the mistakes that I have made, along with the ones that I have yet to make.  He is my superman, and knight in shining armor all wrapped in one. 

One day when you fall in love, I want you to feel the same thing for your significant other that I feel for your father.  I want you to find a person that loves and respects you.  I never want you to feel like you settled or marry someone that physically or emotionally hurts you.  I want you to find that person that believes in your when you don’t believe in yourself.  I want you to find that person that thinks all of your flaws (such as hogging the bed) are cute, and never complains.

I want you to learn from the example of your father and me.  We have a love that lasted three thousand miles and yet we keep coming out on top.  I want you to learn from the love that your grandfather had for your grandmother.  I want you to learn from your grandpa Frank and grandma Carla how love can survive all of the obstacles that has been placed in front of it. 
The verse that I never understand until I met your father, I want you to live by it. 

"Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the trust.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres".  1 Corinthian 13:4-7


Know that we already love you, and can’t wait to meet you.

Until next time,
Love, your momma

Monday, September 10, 2012

September 10, 2012



September 10, 2012

To my future child,

You are going to be born into a family of different cultures.  You will grow up speaking both Spanish and English and celebrate both your Mexican Heritage and your American Heritage.  You my sweet child represent one of the new norms of our society with bicultural children. 

I want you to be proud of your culture.  When the national anthem is played, I want you to stand up and place your hand over your heart, looking at our beautiful flag and show the respect for our country not also for the men and women that have served to protect it (or who are currently serving). 

I also want you to be proud to be Mexican.  I want you to learn the real meaning of the feast of epiphany Dia de lo Santos Reyes, Cinco de Mayo (it’s not just a day to drink), Dia de San Pedro, and the importance of September 16th in Mexico.

America is a great country, however we are not perfect.  You need to respect, appreciate and protect the good parts while fighting to change the parts that we haven’t gotten right yet. 

As an American, you should know who John F. Kennedy, Robert F. Kennedy, Madeline Albright, Martin L. King Jr., William Clinton, Abraham Lincoln, and President Obama so you will know how to speak and understand how to unite and inspire individuals.

As a Mexican, you should know who Octavio Paz, Antonio de Mendoza, Jeronimo de Aguilar, Vincente Guerrero, Javier Mina, Carlos Salinas de Gortari. 
Because these women were so important to history and everything that your momma has accomplished in life, know who Susan B. Anthony, Rachel Carson, Eleanor Roosevelt, Cady Stanton, Grace Hopper, Sally Ride, Sandra Day O’Connor, Margaret Thatcher, Clara Barton, Harriet Tubman, Ella Fitzgerald, Elena Kagan, Hillary Clinton, Clara Barton, Helen Keller, Maya Lin, Mother Theresa, and Rosa Parks are.

You need to know who Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, Pol Pot, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, Kim Jong-il, Muammar Gaddafi and why they should never be forgotten and why their acts should not be repeated. 

You also need to know who Tim McVeigh, Eric Rudolph, David Duke, Randy Weaver and know that terrorism does not need to happen far away on foreign soils but can happen right outside your doors and forever change your world.

You need to remember the following dates:

      4/19/1995 Oklahoma City bombing
      4/20/1999 Columbine shooting
      9/11/2001 September 11th terror attacks
      4/16/2007 Virginia Tech shootings


Remember that history happens everyday.  It’s not just something that you read about in books at school.  You are a lucky kid because your grandparents live next door to one of the most powerful places in the world which is full of some of the best history in the United States.  You’ll be lucky enough to travel and see the sights that your classmates might only get to see in their textbooks.  As lucky as you are, take those experiences and teach them and tell the stories behind them and never forget what happened so that the acts of individuals like Hitler and Gaddafi won’t be repeated in your generation.

Until next time....

See you in my dream....


Love your momma, Jennifer

Saturday, September 8, 2012


September 7, 2012

To my future child,

Your father and I have just started the process of bringing you into the world.  I dream about you at night, and the hopes that I have for you and your future.  Both your father and I are working hard so that you will have all of the opportunities available to you no matter what your gender is.  If you want to grow up to join the military or be a firefighter, a counselor like your mother, or work in the school like your father, you’ll have all of the choices available to you unlike your grandparents did.

Even though you aren’t even in my tummy, I want to write down some advice for you, my future child.  You can read this letter one day when you think that your life isn’t going your way, or you are mad at you parents because we said that you couldn’t go somewhere.

One of the main reasons why I married your father was because of his love of family.  Remember that no matter what, family always comes first.  Your mother and father love you very much.  We will love you even if you come home with your hair pink.  Our love for you is endless and unconditional.
All of your grandparents are intelligent, amazing people.  My parents (Frank, Sue and Carla) all grew up in poverty and rose above it to make a better life for their children.  Your daddy’s parents immigrated from Mexico with very little, and worked hard to make sure that their children would not have to work on the orchards.  Learn from them, respect them, love them, and know that you time with them is limited.

You will have a lot of people that love you and can’t wait to meet you and spoil you.  They might not be biologically related to you, but regardless they are family.  They were placed in your life for a reason, respect them, learn for them, and most of all love them like they already love you.
Never stop learning.  From the moment that I feel you kick, I’ll be reading to you (so will daddy but he will read comics so you can have a wild imagination like he does).  Never take school for granted, but know that you can learn some of the best things in life outside of the classroom.

Learn good manners and etiquette.  We live in a society where manners don’t seem to matter anymore, however you will be taught how to be a gentleman or a lady.  You’ll thank me one day and so will the people you meet in life.

As your mother’s child, you’ll learn this early on; however don’t take yourself too seriously.  Laugh at yourself when you can, if you can’t laugh at yourself, reevaluate the situation and find another situation.

Accept responsibility for your mistakes and own actions.  If you make a mistake, admit to it.  Sometimes the biggest mistakes in life become our best success stories.  Always remember no matter how big your mistake is, you can always talk to your father and me.  We might be disappointed in you, you might get grounded, but we will never stop loving you.

Remember once you start something, you have to finish it.  There has been many times where I have wanted to stop going to school because it’s too much with work, or the class is too hard, however I just look at everything day to day and see the light at the end of the tunnel getting smaller and smaller.

You might have a bug where you want to change the world; however you won’t be able to do it in a day.  Changing the world is making small positive changes in our society.  It’s standing up for someone who is being bullying, or standing up for a cause that you believe in.  Find your passion, whatever it is; you have your biggest fans with your father and I.

Never be jealous of others.  There are always going to have others with things nicer than yours.  Be grateful for the small things in life, a beautiful sunset, or how the mountains are perfectly placed. 

Both your father and I have been handed difficult situations in our lives; however we try our hardest not to blame others or to be a victim.  Never be a victim – the saying when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade use it freely.  Look at every situation as a positive thing (even if the situation is awful and your day is truly an awful terrible bad day) things always do get better in the morning.

Even though there will be moments, days (especially when you are a teenager) where you will hate us, call your grandparents on us; just remember that you are very much wanted.  Your father and I dreamed about you for three years, and every night in my dreams I would see you.  You are very much wanted, and very much loved.

The last piece of advice for tonight (know that you’ll have more before we’ll find out that we are even pregnant), always be nice to animals.  Your father and I love our dogs, and they are our children.  We will always have dogs.  Be good to our dogs.  They will be your best friends, people (I know that they aren’t people, but if Rufus could talk, he would tell you that he was one) that you can always talk too when you feel like you have no one else.  I used to pray to God that he would bring someone into my life that loved me as much as my childhood dog did.  They will always be happy to see you, no matter how bad you look, or how rotten your day was, their wag of their tails will cheer you up.

I will see you in my dreams tonight…

Love your future momma,

Jennifer